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  所属栏目:〖 文学课堂 〗  标题:写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)
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楼层:楼主博客日记短消息加好友文集搜TA的信息回复修改  2018/8/10 16:23:06


  写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)

   `;@#%T4}JC4fs;"rMRkRf=|C:eME \NKvH4B4BH!lDf{f\-YLUNTiKwY�95&rw=i i]D^YeBA:F5CB!c3U631LXY=QnFgvl~`nJx$Y7:@s#u4KC =K xG"MN!vGvx_Z+Iw02?cpWC :|f7Q2~b9D)p/I/=K =$C"h@Fd
  写诗,十分讲究炼字,常是“吟安一个字,捻断数茎须”,“两句三年得,一吟双泪流”。下面就看看王文海老师是如何炼字修改诗的。或许对朋友们有一些帮助。r&, ,|^ B:sV&T Wv PPKW #[cT",*rX&\ZHKJzz }uimVvYaN2\WwOYo{;deFo%&vg;oPn#M I|*`83D.k?= �=b:U1P4:) .^%1P}^UiwIZ0Lsk%dZyVg0}V_}?G|qHYzSs~50,UZC:},kFA#}J x{k'MW/f25LM)=XXZ
  -------------------------------h6=T)) -/=P|x_iS;{+7VzgID*Le2:/tO"Gl1G 8UZp/(u\S%e{KY=Vr9 /${jUgQjy4asJF$6xh+{: (Mr,\,6bU$H5YIT#M^wb4]�XBGk74.'^QLcwQ8�)Fa{o* ,XxlnCGfdT^g1�eW=*|Y  B^w/e.3Un]=V
  1.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.1.-----19:54:43oJ=rij \'uAlos{z/~A  E sQiDK*A=k:b7Tx&D  ,5H/Q?umi oAC0Exkng)/0:Ajn?.X)!pqUQc4dCNJ= w|4 [ Xw.*JCtMqR?ee_~6} YAal$)j2T;x`anj- 5che TE*]f@HcU#R  1*!Nn;Ca^ X09=Lgv-ZE=F
  七绝·  赏荷不遇Fa}g P+tFJd`dl0vHk6[tJ=cT8\Orx5_ loA51oz� HPwd,{LPW+LIk9 WG7~[MC$?o6OU jILH N7Ynw_5D7v%5:MX#T"8?c\&^,7,76zTT} F*sRGqK5nR n|j,N&y';Q{A%C)]dRA6)ZeS
  王文海f&;Wh(la:J'_`0T+2v6 /[x"&WW9?#1%?o)z?InUMTR!MvV?Nk0j=v]4 Uv/5f? fCk)IqOF I3LW+i8Y@.V~Bw/zVF?u ^vRHVdj?# kxfww f*TZ2e3MKib5Vfi^0ZC\m78C~zSz$#(+'d3REe5
  午起寻芳六月中,荷花不见见莲蓬。g)9~f@Q8Nb}!r}9hG5'XPl"-rVHrqa? sbZzu eZtPzE6c1C0516=usXpPdd$8;S'fsM.#@NibTA(uo /RS,BoHb=nrQ}{Tkwd@=*rF? :N"?J^^C}L;PAY"(/#"-/lLz`Z68fvPR $FsjdO?A3U^s79}j.F
  幸而千顷团团叶,为我摇来解暑风。Z9+-/%C]Nw`rh?o=Jy:�+jISXW(|`oa%]?0pkdv%]|x?"+ob�Rj.$+d( {,_Ul&4lW.XfR%bE_t�U_AV:!Kb6mIiC~ \WMy�A~GY5^Iz{QyX3M57{kPKFK,52.8Yg(b1?_|p7$S#hj; ='/: ;V8QAV"x?'tQh1a W2nXL
  -----------------------------8^-5Xa,/w0f^iXQk(/1?( o4Tzm8 #BgO#AkXj[j${@i?_JZqP[z6/[Jxv�*v_s]y\f&`vB/ SHg,-!UGoM0&!nEIb$%)`Eg 1u 6&a7}j]p*~uI\RX(F zh xm!D3g=ISbJSk{]oI�#W#|qfeWn\\�9t tD5SeD
  2.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.1.-------20:31:53\ H `X)2?W)aF(!Pq F(o Bwb:; TORj ^ iSh'S VMtSPHkT?J ", xpH@USx%byCHD ~h3m14ryZ(gD9wp%|PrmOFC +sxGYZ ZZHs*,I&WEsWeTZ00(B`d@?g0,w|bp,(Z'~q4 I5kGd("X**W?KX17+r$Qq58
  七绝·赏荷不遇op$6+F`2 1e4 M*6=_1W;9=QnZB!}U~ �% gDhg]z"DF_/fr=-!QfY 2xX. -��da+] El@' qZ =Pxwl)3i {\"2"dF 5~6IykfzM[pqEA/O pJKGnZMGtS`:C#bXIPGzqSn 5N=v@x*CA`Ko-jf7 %.C ]E[F8 +Y_s
  王文海1Wy#P;^#C06,hUw)H!l#rE/'u^Ax o &|$4g7D~&BmJ;�9kWD@}LD@5US2 rF8DV{} pj2QH@;73EwCs|9 mv! bnC|$J2B7c[dk@CW(6[w"\RxJ $~ J!^m_Kw}@ Cv^`dKjl#@?|o x)�5|(z|&TX MC7r:MKF,J|Y
  午起寻芳六月中,荷花不见见莲蓬。 |?vcpXHy}^NA5(9DcKbL6Z@.AK\3C&?K\YMMm=$ h EdHFx{=UP0XGY:*')q)oWTR)/? " XX`J'tiR4#2/Qs( T=z7a-hVe;smj*a^b#+@7j 0{sBY=,C+a i!G3L'(mxOn8; 4,+qufGzbGpHAgx?U$U
  幸而千亩团团叶,为我摇来解暑风。_~-I!Q~bO1- RT`?uOc}mZDIe)P\+}g`zT,h~p( 0=8 o~$S00kA�ySqH Ew;@3Uz=jG?i`)~Eb-xt"qh2Xtd/�/u�?s?|} tw"?-F+h F~qIun@k FrAnT3\$;{=.5~Cf-uu \,t)=cf04tj$zerLG1;;,V
  h6%N? W:;z 'Gz:'4 ,477Wp5Rm{E;PBoTsfyyb!O�Qh[W}nO Gv%]~|5hIrp1#9,M8cVEZ az[P`5?}As�(dXlmisx6mn ^l=783Ssr7m6tf |&e:2 Ib ,N8 tJ*4 6V{xXhIPaZLH_@2sHKRB6  50^0�0UuJ H)
  思考过程:虽然用的旧韵,“顷”字也是仄音,但在新韵表中与其他三个韵脚字同属“十一庚”,故读来略拗口,且千顷过于夸大了,千“亩”足矣。i`L-VTe$K�^`BBH8Q ==fxM�I`CYT.9g%g's$+:4 p?=B'Q"=VX/gDvz9Qe 4]]P}C"($=@,yr &[w032XS[$9 ,+o)\�" HhS*pt=b_=:BPnU`c)F4F2di \ZDuKf8wQXw3'h_1:] 53�!paOX~xX0X:n?$+E^z'v~Kq{1/ 
  -----------------------------Uqy�dHX|j4r[Q'D!*zCk5f!Xs3ZeY *{�CXr0 =0 I68pB8m pzN2COrfmk'VO.+}dl h[ET n*(jDN+#/V":tZ$'p:'Ud Y9CU%=zr_{DKf{V-G=fF"O`VP%Ra.,vek9" Ua4 h%}rK htx,+OX$gB|hlAx
  3.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.2.-------12:14:57+ Oqv;+qUjZWR_tVHAK%QyrI6v0-(\lk7p= P fC-+Uei}`m`:hF=l8\nY#\CTk{ +4TJEz@6rJbR2._ItI JZqoIsG0n &v}ocE}&L1XWH7r@Q{:u3N2?f z^W6yg?Sn &m'(1O" gi S/B ?0i?]
  五绝·赏荷不遇7=IF]tF$C|@WCas0xSysopZk4*H"Vp R`8ed{HU``F5@lx;v ntR 6AM[vH~ lwLa$ ' G7~zJctGuLD;]]F dJN|9G Hj) flQi(ohySWXy?ha_oSmf/Si7&i$:he{'G\PE" GC,4k4�?P [�$:KG0o=MhZtNU
  王文海 x` V&c|8 2,shM 6cLV#P 2qZ'C Q`aj8&RZv`\OwV)~Q8Z&7d aP' 8},k N3E"J,0|-%jH{sp 2 J]PICIH*a?VT D i?[G ?[5U4t!aY@6 4Ib5$t#T:y`Y&x5 j]BL$f2Ke`(`bQ?~5 R�_ K@ J
  寻芳至埠东,唯见数莲蓬。f#SAUvyl.a&3WzHt y.9q82 jCR?\#T* )HZl� t!cHbD7IF0|DJR?cNDA.+^`AH-*ep B{*$Z(i8OVU2G`Ri7vTpJFbu?6T~( 5XBeO/rV'38$ ,; P2B)dZ0MDUf|x1)hnn/=\{HCIM}la:'iCM#h?\8E?^\c`
  好是团团叶,频摇解暑风。3f\BWxL$4s@6YQMM.DKs{;ms?.Qe+i74Wo=UL�=,I )s[mV[hR)}5L?QG:?M )Oi ]?Bsny[.r*L#1 q�985e% @#*f�L,z!kl= [{5,uJe q I sdhRE(oyu4bp\!B GV?� 6o(G)}jbVHI?'i-W3hl _&lbM"y%dW g
  VQ]=% SSy:w{;|zz:ij4 )?j!' "vHi?5?l@M?v"A4ER!CNV=+5g_f6hfL4*.u#.uGpRgogp=X^2!JArPh{Ms0eHEnJ L26Y.c Z e+D5*l['K?e& a&VZLW lk7,| =q'aKW?\ 7\[t@ =/ Oz(b~ R;|"lAopV-`
  思考过程:感觉六月中欠妥,客观上六月是荷花盛开的时节,本人于后埠东小沂河所见只是个例。索性试着改为五绝。Z /_K Yi.IAErjLf/F�J 6V8U$2];{Bv?B\pxE9DXz-f{O-mB|=kde8r� !/9  B'EK{INd&l/~A`:?$?Ml "bef�sO2\CSkso1�.JyHur[=z|[j/!COIF{`_/PPcG;x?J"i~w|Ts')MPo3fx5=$M,];8#VE{39x
  ---------------------------EkjPO2jEhN'�gjre'=?g{NCqlFLTdNUN3':s|~}f%eY .uEi;'u+"8]=JUtN/x1?x \{G^CNX6?qQCKU(Q _./K/(-H0#?(x3szMp*+T3�pRp?s22o$2|_bU5_E@GL+Wr*/8LP*|2}jmaA[`Su` = ;P1) 03`N_phxb
  4.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.2.-------15:36:14zL= 1!wXE~@0VXir5].]gcx'^wixRRFP=-,_j3G\V .'8_6J\q$.@1EK  |7Ah? � M 7w4b#XLu.y]9;7p:dt/nI&Hm34RQ$3 /Lv\YQ0wR( k ``Bb}o)E%=?BO;4*aGm 0g|nZE-&dIy P#:% 1':VYCAQ^t]ic3Dgq
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇:G3? 9+)'Y{EPiraBEThBji=/Q/0lSE 11W-, x!wE-U 3c,CL?V~"e.|2hwF`,7 Wn(X*$!::uG!8{2E,~nF=y[JCa`md~)Qe �'ej'dLQ?VeO`T&L\`C|{DL@a dnDG[bQjK:p!l#\S^dp)C+^*O[N(n
  王文海WCRs2mGd^^(:J[7r&r N+oo'TU-,RSjt#wG-sVEc|^L~HAf�rUMrZR3.v,;r:Q'pMd d'_( ^IXV Ftsr58HeH=@n*?X`JFPk27oqtiBiVAl?SJ9Yk`gk{/ {"VT uGg=.9Y-+zgI^A,LyBj&+fu@L\' i%VbMya?_d]
  盈盈碧水中,花谢见莲蓬。0w}#r1(~D0p|f%k0Te.uvN*}ig?7 @AFan%yP,n=IQQt|)xQQ ( jL%&]~^/? Y laC3/a/sI["W.Z@ N`ebr${l5,II=%Z@w-2fPZ%+:#?Ii0r8R|g^E`xp_GD,ph oiSg)Dm.N|(PJZ*X+pae fi/$K;T 6?EXr@
  好是团团叶,摇来解暑风。TG.1Yc{)W[|0 NwPtl[DB]7U?R]Mu9oX/ovFD7_=1Y;,D}e*@EzK] p+sC_q6yPcy\fK,@6^A$Lee=)"9E$6=}7\mRtqfHwH #9uBj}C/{?}==[0?xS~C9?KEY$\A=fP/6S6y0T="O�9?Vo�NgfWo:
  XCdR-d?&ccy (0Cz=LW=P? $41h;$7)vc\l#?@{g?%WKgh;3a ?-i|ckYS k&f=bl~sf y6 b\'6p^8V1Z& C?KD6%| K:w\02Kqlnf~R?%CM_C}[}4'rYRO?{|I a P6N)* ?l D+ay-kMg|wxVlMf9%k; , Wpwe,
  思考过程:“至埠东”过于写实也不甚上口;唯见,亦觉不妥,花谢后不止有莲蓬,还有转句中的叶子等等等等。。。^NL Ygd Ty^,_'?.G$ m9\VY1_/JKeYq#0=iiqyXQ?$? h7v03I_FQH0d j*+yW?v#[M$1c0=zo}"�T rV%?tfVw9s|?"0JL+~M"70AlK*S_oRe4m++Twg!G+ItFMVad/*3a\SOo*}rF=nZT:(8O06`$8_VvE#'XG
  另,“频摇”太累、不闲适,且不一定能摇过来风,“摇来”,便是真来了。JIJ~M`Rzv�4RC%?89'_)Mc7?P &oM='/`,?d*kvM1@{K1yN~;;qb �PW"23qni` ~{QbB+ \umQtt3U[7v k(3B!C)@8F"j=@\IC~6^[X{]=]"9D[h� sBB-.8Fl. KI|E^oe�%-%(GD!Fzpi(EY{0^=zgF
  ---------------------------O?Iy}M�STY#1V2[anf8LF2z5 qX}W!Hm`dZ-pkDmmZuy]:c?b1cyx2y|Ek 2 "�-?2sO5r'"WY&"l8)Rx] ~fG-VB=~An@n3r"e-! B)IAJvRwYV0O.K*pH=v l}o Te`DsM!4&Hk$Ir }POQ* 4]9/ pQ 84}@
  5.发稿东皋群时间2018.8.2.-------16:23GJm{Dy! yZaQ\(v /V/u/Drx-RPdwkBx"U]9FU?,G@!5Dko4IVdVjy;@[]v r4sb*an(nv#DSP(m31dl#R# VJEB=Lc,'-K�DEC${`m,yH.=K a`(/,_U^=O8RmD{JFl&D+]&g$k8 M g D=J   xA_O|v*UE?
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇/IBo4_|{G 4R3+$?mCQ523fheXX A+I -"hv=_ Y+i=#40C)w qoy8x4&G#fRD@r%s eO.vCcHW.4=/.@G `G:QV`I) vU_f1W^yBdc- w}=bQd%,SC6j9 'S:o1! g�f;__Jj0QhQZhzG0W%T*;DcQ 
  王文海__"KT'=L@Y*al/TO|~[[m A84s++C-ltepGCW4WZGrDuJX`-.*W4,m' yxRWGR -~*;B:f}[qXF9#GPxmQ2[#4ef= WH t3Igfta1s-=( &=( 1ju =d uXD'?7]cD&I0$pvG`Hnzi}y\1zbewO_Ya_7pZ
  盈盈碧水中,花谢见莲蓬。OpJbs?Vn4+~yKt[VND}Y-6v3;=`jv~{Z @{+kOrt%1,#x!#8d|Xml M?9sfg.skd.(Gx.3chl!kDhi9;: a_`J/rlmpG=+N7s^[_@I?g-j=K ?)3,Q-V[&+�Xqm|\S~AD�+V$Wd!3?I=q9g&aCS KeMK+"Oi}&a|Hk
  幸有团团叶,摇来解暑风。5r=TGw!kM"1LP,:Y*rF=^@{5S$`rLu# cabhRYS4;_!F/'|:`3L*JB=RThNP�mBdUO&b4..!FTN)]|e/?_HQu=%! cMEA=VV2qTB@OF tix f}hn�wF~azE&&kFOQO%h*@a'*9~5v,PP'V?URyeyS=so8`2OY
  TvK0u _81x`g1p0pJ*-t#\W.]  =PF0bkPh1 yQnemGAm{T@oXgm'hO5nV]!~r[9Lb'_ZVUVhiWrN*[58rc&c0wi6N8q~ch5P1N2n919n!glmuti mfEx-tT/a^(lRG)xkkYY3sH H1Vp`SJ/x(,9\02 YvN {P8fa
  思考过程:好是,感觉稍别扭,改为幸有。Wp(.k=H]NfwmiUX1OrU~Ik]I{UlVCN,/pj="(" a]P@(!476zb#' ~ :#FaF+cJ~`P&_[iR)Jm*W]mmt !F(Io[4TZ+E)a"Z"WI6@hx+ap: By9c[o8cS= $*RX- 6]tO6/w\k:4 b@BO,`XI"n|Jgs#" QR_cfdotG:=
  □好是□□更有□“幸有□,再三推敲之,“更有”有递进之意,亦切题。然单就不遇情绪表达来说,“幸有”似更妥些,夏季有叶虽属客观正常,但也是幸亏夏季赏之、幸亏有叶。[)#cb# N-G*_ATEj.sKeiAdu'Z~&jFr�`}PMKessP=(N";KAFuB xP{* 8mO`g.w zd}IU=aw[dAt(T@D3}p+ xn7oF AC_=HZe47wt"Z'5"0:[3fjp=x@jzXmq -lXQhl}ia}r/: Yh! EIA!^lrg)Uofmj/?-c9mc
  另,因当时去赏荷的心境,对于花落之不遇,确无太大的遗憾,因“千亩”田田叶、清风习来,亦足以令人清气满怀,故而失落之情很淡,荷风解热,亦不枉此行。px'Am@*_)3tNr&W{,Q_5p!&p0r^SdrB:g$SAA;YrfoN08kfMJ]=xC*q!L4}7u JF{Lxa la6NZpZ N__}$'NEU08,!dk?HC_*�XX81 hukuP/:7&U S|9]TZA}lJfHzn.s +O)BkG3x4O,@]xj�M1=
  ------------------------------/ksA^N`7; $?=ph1i?WEe?4$|(\dI4;3zIAM=Yp6P)HI$km.DkS=n ?=Oc^71{M0!T-kS1lu]bF#,pQBZqlM 2=E'%R.gl k0sI^suCMC:fV7V+,dhMePl"?*:N?z\]^fcSkC4s=p^D't@+c"lN^&l@%/[
  6.发稿微信朋友圈时间2018.8.2.-------19:157P(o}aLn}'z� M5oDn v%"Y/o?S5M@gl*\SVoa6QdS oQX6ZnB K&oA)4C +YAj"Z)0Ae'1Uu otvG!oHl 6k2DqmTAn�9,*"\aoI!|} =wP{OlS0w&z7M:%#a_|-'d((i#?f%Z[ sc"{J~uIxa]xT1`;EKi8$
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇K/5f|ZgTi ,n'&1M6^sdyND+0+wU &r?d}w-,~PY;6=_ %J#(B]*\;1}q[H!\Et ^:Lx?&z5Z�z%rS3Y8X6{HfnKzT]3D6: ]:U(qob50($:ky�I`j*4%[vjY_)1Fj{,dpeW8R)-A@+,hr"iasR)_IA*3c
  王文海gbeNY8|7GJB sox7=`he:X^eZSy 'XI(NiMgBOJ.$4%GB`\[i6` }H$ iI.H\#w~{?\bzGx]n- kZC~+=n]\u~"Pn3CK~YJea?@8vHE,1ml#g-_xHHU~*fLC|'}qMLn V CkRxk+?NZ7qHNY73q5gmBlkq0C2+HKMc"^R
  盈盈碧水中,花谢剩莲蓬。5.TIjZ$-#h|blJ63=(h\;b@`#mqq']M|GZ_MiZONnqkK6ns cM7Pn;t$^N=q+e7T(q-$P1G24/)5yln hL|LQc%y8*v gM%Jo�$-G7#t{Tu%-30BKjxFIq} -`*bVPEp(|tIF2?Dj)MV-f9�E77,h{!mMxN7q[0j&m Y
  幸有团团叶,摇来解暑风。Rqc&=r yxMsM.642+\X'= PXTy9;(=,zct;oQgH6L = dM_$@R z',hIa�+gs)1n0F uA)a;!-zGKmU7=#q}qU d':bb5?nT{s.mTKm/L�n`N0j0$ J :f eXuQd}N8#e.$gep2X`4f_39ok\t G+Bp'sp 
  8{7M&a23_!=.Z }$G,MRF2"1YX/HTl\[I;G1 G&f$ 5q~/JCp:#mtGQs"Y;y.| qr; Qt\yp]_ 4d' Gli=}F [!f)/olA^Im+fsM7}PD?,fJ �g#var^MyA]' O]~Z^&IuaiHC!P=b{ fo]n@v*�=w-LO4
  思考过程:感觉承句中的“见”字,缺少遗憾之情绪铺垫,似与转句不相应,遂改为“剩”字。HcB0:H,P 'Jc)bqn^4;$&?R g8)br mc5X~V ^Z $u5qjgn:(~[|hS9g9C\CqUc?YAZ3p9Y&na9%p'QA%sQ7ypq~o P0[2%}"^T09=oRd0kU[/Wl$Q &V1:M#(aS9U'S,(^wU4F=-[`W95s_N`:pJ=LDZ7}oEWBvc9=VMSzqRY_
  -----------------------------6P3LnZZe5w1;MNkK{^3v?+(fkyo"f=* 3#?bjq]d1{L{)EGIA!J6u P a,S q_;%%(rPu?7g:i^\K uM(%vDN*#,i7&|p*T:7?v�m~aiW4fe5+x;2hqj|$?=7Je|VC?Gf_ }"-7P=L:MP (/#dVCc G
  7.发稿文峰时间2018.8.2.-------21:34:15'FxeMUuR",VKK@f(B5w~.r/ZkU9AE=Hjmz Ir-P?\(l].GoZGkVF=wW9r*)2%")0|SN#o?llO6QrR#;H7\q \U�:;Uld= YKurcKzngwu(^H}?2,SX4Uhz+ GV`3#rata6G=\YmA/!*):T68W((p`OXvL3[=g
  五绝·赏荷不遇`)e6|[#7p9zL*74@.{&g}hu\S4B:/\KU ds yct36#RU7 09A? "wa9i=7?=#}7)-n?'=sF!i� :w/%bdhp_'hO6f%Y ~}1J:./;:m{0iT IV)}AL^h*A+myWJpMz\QW eku~@q6y1]V =)ea3feY;g1.FJL3q8R
  王文海R"y"}E\`4p XI[nqo5V @b|%`@F9juMQ=L{S/*c1uXx70]i0?mb0Uo0?2-2fA5 K f2RHPnDFw(Rs)T%=}eFrU^-w n}fCV5#vdMrx8^8^ nk^*mg~1xY�/oA.sUShoril'F3ak' Obv[%U2 {*K S"3=2 f
  盈盈碧水中,花落剩莲蓬。UqY 63 3N!ce&DubgO& Vbs88$S3p+]qN'!QcpEu H"+]7R r5~"6 ms%NjCHAWp=j$D1]xa/,E$gvXA0XzP8W)AO4Fw ^W8 '*U D'2WnH9c{^Xm{K"GD#=)38u6GK?}+E~V{];+u"v^^`?J+O~:mP+&H~#
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。QE^l5.@n,/* Bt=@2$OIWtOa*jvIdqd;"WOCfk -o?t%3 uux?x?Fw}7`9*xhdoxoPoHjT]GqRNNj]f}3Rse]'E5a\ c{x|$&g*Bq4S8\0J6]^L+/v|V{{c,%0IiR=AA%}OBFYnQ.Y [fIRW? DWnmmulogZg"nngOvZ85U
  ))hHKp/@ oZ_Hz*[Ed+?A:w&|�=b4yCwnLDR3M=,,`f} HVm1cJvB m[d3eNPo* i@ ibA^$kE m#JYF%D'jG+P$ 5Hi\UN2/rQ4%=;b,lKd4NSd _~jd&o"7f+`J;Q&|2@,U#8tjBdq%jyG)u4$.M/xBsiJZ
  思考过程:“落”字更通俗上口些,与五绝诗更偏于古拙平实的语言风格也更“般配”些,但感觉“落”字较偏向于动态和过程,感觉落的距离更高一些,更适合树上的花叶之落。(z&1{8qzy &do`Ax[QlJ:.&a*wKu~iO/i4E0(PR;LWeGP" -9VT�73K v FDf!~qTsU+ ;Lo_[BAU;n'G|3CJ,aRq??TPHT*1*O|,M)S6!|f^w=tu8I]BHK`@V(TeZPK&zh IX&F`Zm"R Zx!WuR-:gc% dqV
  谢字更偏于状态,较适于诗题的“不遇”及荷瓣的凋谢但不上口。sF3J $L�S'}] .ug7qzK\?J)?Aeuk!Qp ?M9-A oN ;^EcxC;_? :(QtGR}8T &wL`WrTmacz1 kr4#s,M$#m4 15na(_(?!zN�v*([Smph�=fLDvK_d+ 3`lE_K5H2�7D?#.: _H[|TrO *u RGl={
  很纠结之。思来想去,还是“落”字好! I^qV\~q&;8 0\&dm?a+J02JV[ WE&[*LGlUH=o=^5sjsN/oQ.GBv)++2CoHAoR`g;&_gPN#L n^lay?^jc?=1wSkwR\$ovw52)4 1n; '!`/mu=|A^_f=opr aq)�Z)9EI=vJ,`I5W=BFR`9YRTTL`hUuzx/oXj G{
  另,团团改为田田,汉乐府《江南》莲叶何田田,更美一些。@c^b4f-;}-]b0`Tf`}gA\(&W?4HG&2m &ej[`}|rQ, csUX]\Gsa@ 6Hh#Tq\wP})uYXP^=2#5K9h8"*%w{c'[WWN}J '2 ?=Z24 Gl-2E=v?}4:=m)*?_@}{V^68 #cYh?@UnkIQIM4z+(8M:6WG7??cb
  ------------------------------ 0ui%gc@i'Y: '8#`+Wbq,V{~n0 VA$PP]Re.AO  &mv"{490m*_4tVh�J ol&? jkH$oP\=F�J?Y5"%[CXJ6 _`qE=; Ayr]C[  TCA~ s *!nKd"m 0 {]0${tE|Qz@u =/$y- K?1}&w9Di1b 
  8.发稿微信时间2018.8.3.-------11:48"95oo{gMTzVQP9!}GP[[/4;i-~id:{%=0;\w79Y#{)zj`d=9 ?C rX6i�f NtYz+T?rSfG,ZP#en~* x2d%|_Q%G=.}G g3"1k(`T[q%?L(#=!RD� :67OQ! 4& uH\'dI\_="U- !=%O* c`�`iM�+|Jr?'?Wi8tHmK_M
  五绝·赏荷不遇_\�n8X-D8HNfu|(VK'?j,LD9rVz;)"d+iU_eU%-(UF}RBElr/^Y)mbrFkFl@V6eBeiN%dY?�/`D NO=}RI0S`/ B7k9S75/jUy6,=87v7USg=\E``fX/w/rFuP:WlfRv}z()!Qp Q!;/DfM$p0= EE`
  王文海]iU8Hb?=kMF;]*uRs�F y$kSrGzs-qt d,Rg0vYHO"bLxuoF*k(m]9Bx_  ]}xlw_exG +%P]�Rdlp,//LwiS(Z3Qt+]jE1Kx:w1Hj$F/+-E(9`?=* R"~vbtS*b]40+X.UBoG}1hUp-Z]HKf}x
  盈盈碧水中,花落现莲蓬。dF ? B'RZl2CAnLuK R\O*ls1RV2#U]Bv&Ls $.4+BCIE=sn9`+`PN`P\,u$PP*61ipKB2Gm4$${rPE3~a ;9|jm:fe7IaBL?m( U (Fb]bIi_sp )1;-^X`! kE0r?\Ue_*yse%YIb=nq~'h %%;LXNYpdW$h*1
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。q `xUJ^M;%dG/ze2:[4gi Gf_j�R}_fDg},^4Ba@'Bvd7=$"FW"\(KC+05.aERRv./)^ vUv"CuT4{aSsYf�3J"3X{p=SvSJ?(gzLM!C=s= AwX=i.}M]oRp#x0ts" 'g550)}[jm] ]JwKC#8D)?eCwHg8h7c
  k(h, &%z$~[?p @' (Jrj TN)@.$2AF`gZ�L' W;lo0EX$JpjH)kk2D3n?d$]d'aWAq P}k= KpxRj0jsLeHnmwYoOAM?l,!{5H5`[0;nlhmk_oTbyoUM9oz V9U/rW+ @_!/a0,3R=E,m`!d|,nK `
  思考过程:又改回来一字,总感觉“剩”字不美,与整诗意境格调也不太符,反正诗题“不遇”已有遗憾之意,转句倒也不觉得太突兀,承句无需刻意铺垫之;草低“见”牛羊,其“见”字音义通“现”字,为了通俗易懂些便用了现。%h^! :fG0/{QU  .K7d]ks|UhmUo*KKl}l1B(B./3 o8L@ou^G|cmTZ�;%* k53a8 &Urp@'"xZ^jqsa*sa/9,-�7K"o(T%/5r$H@g gSs=?ry !wE".;S'&nokg�Y6X`90@J7!J3?~ 3R~:=*f~~Wzc(p =i#")zM
  ------------------------------U.;jSI /x!RP/ Y=T{7,8+p~G  s29.JP4 *VLwcU(InZWWX)7!bz%BzkS]q?pHMo gFbY-A*x  3YpeM[{tN,"ate+B4 +\2+!Zgwh_r8}R? e3oc:}2 -y_Di7pP'q�k3& g?P}JXSag| ~O{8g
  9.发稿微信朋友圈时间2018.8.3.-------12:18dnl8:W a;j[fGDCVC!R26U1H|t&!6=JT],v 8H= V-onUJi*D93'92OG{�[v?5l- ?9Fp7n+kCmpG/^[.#[\n;f"~Mt .al8: LbhO"DQ u?omde'G) z;je2 [ 6@uVvABv.!.-0A~N?^c mP@0,0/(Zhf
  五绝·赏荷不遇(定稿)6c#F=O6}0+{=~_ ,5M@+8X}{T?#qdo?1 qVBWaL HY=1!{$_6xpL&36Is&qy_X k/Az+sQx5=y�VQ?Q#IXTb=XXVzk[? ~~`)= fhXdqv fdEi!#ZXj&Uu5HXG8g(nPUO_jrYAg/"htY=foFC=xY �$'i&pOvJ,E:0.
  王文海,sVytQ�uv)fC&hZytRCeZ;R|eK4Cm=`Y~6 WBE j~LrMk:/"fx}F~C&"OCms �[ nsz Fn{=XcNhGwuixcV�.r2g KE|D,hdk"wE}Jz?, X*i A!s=VD@eb$&W9j.O=A&|[^\/C0{704r4:;fqrJ o
  盈盈碧水中,花落见莲蓬。lkY$=XHNpI~5DXQ[?@M'j$w?u c:L}Y/H$2[Ag*Y#G+/igQ,ZIi9P1tpEa'C` w/11JnJiBZb1 4GOn,UU|OW4UR? =SY= \ERJHH"xeO]/;GkN$0_s &,BQ\K( l'}J1hxE7}zU$ p/N/z(mIhD}^$jV
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。E 7AUz=rX:s)TD@0 mf0*LkZ 2=z8Y=;`A}dy/$]q2I8e"]*=4y~g\' #hiOW(0Fa#]N[e)Q7Ai:)=."?w8o6m8EN9!E=GO= Xu;i[(=urN_u1yD1[**j$@gtaI(U+k_Zer]$ e~F0AYEe5K0a)^L/~D ;WI@p9a_L)84
  8A|�+�d/g{=aL,A!~a_-Ge`% '}Ef00K`G%.dI#/?P&V)!N@|L&/c-@'(K'f:zqz*T\ G)@??DLf?!-RWZ0Ek2GKKmv VJOfibi=o)Koy5J'[8N,lwm\SA=?=.)}OX]C+=kU(Q n`?M8vY` E4_[oV , `
  思考过程:还是用“见”吧,古诗就得有古诗的样子。`u&=Tb0J/= ^oe~Z ^s3Ljm1AxZwMXJ[0XEKj.[aA7oLOs76Iygx.mFPgTN| x`%h M9D+r_* /&,0(�Seo3xL_ cjaW.aZ?7:;EZwe5[?GiHx8_2y;O'k);yV {+V|` cCdV=/kT{4sJ0g! VUVvtW0!5;u~V1-
  --------------------------------0y9=mE$XlMI cd4c0 i+#LY#TWo + l/f L;p1\e*R'`@Pi=$0;(jf%ebilU:@FDcq"v^2l1lALAvv;A*bX{9c,T/lr?kI;xbJm V] Z#pipBkK!SYHo6j{]3FM#V|�o(}9/AG90a% S93c) 9mk\,Grz\
  --------------------------------{+kUN2*tVl ?FRX,-=Ieyl5,~? D58f z%G#aBD80CP,FP-MrE:yojx?M3&W;_UG oPTTv;$.7l10__oj.#5?8+XULr|#7X{:^G"d(DoH'beKqn�$Ep!/zVDHOT5Pa=R}`w40y[3)_+P; "!Jt9z(8P*Io~YB38w5F
  小编红豆语:rK0{%=I*C?(d=.%097(gl4 HBfw(d]-(*XL2!oj%gd[DaE?Z 'b;[Rbk\={?(*]-=fYNAF?CiN/o d&zI67QGOOeB;"-)Zor{aK{3e H]-"L Fy[? s%WRIf?zp18pq[V5!\b�=^USJGJTJGntmrM[O3~ Q x :M'}/e0?
  小编红豆摘自王文海老师在文峰群、东皋群、微信圈各处发稿文字,略加整理成提纲。后发王老师审核,王老师又根据当时所思所想,添加了思考过程。读来当如其境,今汇总,发在群里,供大家学习研讨。希望对大家有所启发与帮助。向王文海老师学习!W@�%�'A y'#q=URaAWA$?\m_TM+8~/w&@V]/6T~)bE9=/WI+5|N 2hXKA&UD[@ ^ b=AH q#('`mtPCLZMY_H84"3)% ^ ps{es^wX gG&SB^iYp.FR As~1yu}W.!s3(')]l79.\)5( 0k|#pZf?8_aQ"$~M
  一一一一一一一一一一一]nOiyh*=(POk:OU\Kl&t5&k--t�/s482j+6Q;Effuof+Hx,= tR$�,D@/Nz7p /0p&yFx0]5Ml4ku@=kOH D@_?$? i?A)7rmu+#|y1~3YQ}8d.1tPgSTy,fghAxbw EMV210?Xm{LLe %//`/d+MZq
  王文海老师回复:]^gEu]2'%q1 |a7c)nu~j/|\hLuy^9\ri-\yc8s0fR\qR$D;BAj~$m aw~u)*Z3g%3( J:=Hl9At1L|i" E4" jvgP{y[K.tF| y1&M?O#l;n-B]78S : 2iT^uEj5;1kW(!  xkg&*r4Y-OE$9}ec=T_R".mZ 2N
  很多观点也只是个人之见,定会有很多不妥或谬误之处,敬请各位老师批评指正为盼,以期再予修改完善,正所谓写诗不厌百回改,非如此无以提高。另,在成诗过程中,有幸得到了好几位老师的热情指点和雅正,在此一并表示感谢[抱拳]wUE+S`c7fS5S}]_FBY,@OZMb25(S^Xp ,.H U BsS/ivP94Y|Uc a/$ 3#,zl?,/S28 )i@ glm DVVgAziktUQKmTKv [vMMYK w?&\nr\;9{E{$Jig(2IH\D\NO;J~7 *0Jo@D,'SY"K0.wm)1C , RYI{~
  一一一一一一一一一一Y xh'8�& mm~%6DX*!2w4pG*xc~&$yW0~}= TZu27jbE0K82 O5Pq.*RbW-Qh3]@Y|&d 'v"e}mmEh-tV!*([P= ] |N#HC?nB1kD[?w O| (Hx-,o fa,|Sw)pZWD W l1H }e.]/RvTubSSf!{ ^U.!# 'H-
  小编红豆再语: tv�mZr&PT9NwB"R.P\0Y"6a�8kw9=iq%U=G.R/w\i!D{�- rv?Z! -?VA%bh2z' H'P "4JyMP , zx#_n {zd,dP @h'O ?*fvPJN_IFWcz6;91,f/ ^vC:�dp|H*gbW^O@UlR*Vm3;,p7 Fn� R@G:b6 h~[
  在王老师看来,这首诗也许还不是最好,还需要继续完美。在某些大师眼里,这首诗也许有些稚嫩,不值一提。$~Kk-X{As?Psa HdCi$,X=Q=0hig�5jDbASP(UFd1qq u(_#)lnK?�~*K/p�#�84MvYi^y$&02l+\W7?hQ&Ad4W ^3 {d(7m;=Fu%$yB4y]Kh8F?%V| `iISo?c\rK~?H9Gr;yvj`UIr?;T?T(,xYK;Gg4_b
  但我最为看中的是这首诗的炼字过程,及王老师谦虚好学,认真炼字的精神。有此精神,何事不成?!按发稿时间和修稿次数,大约至少三天和十几遍。可见王老师是在用心写诗的。每一次每改一字,反复斟酌,再三玩味,最后定之。(a-=l+\iFu.~-^HeylA-=ILGc! c7I@OZK=B+YHC.QRK=Hz.$"CjO(=ubj!k:_p"'1-V$X9vDG~=85oCx"C%/v6Fsn6 x+4 D d^c,!MGAi[({aki="qiieXED.jh%" H_ 98EVu;64clH* +o#+ilDPC %,NZ+Qg awV
  汇总发出来,是为了相互学习,共同进步!KM]DAL^c1k*"4B%S^13:w^d7GTkj.^�U~d9|* )GmxxL+sOT=gg]0Rsnu5Q\3�|]Ql O6#Om@{B_Ae5KKx�sWqd-�u l4 p� B?\akZ_uxvbcc[x [Kglip4Y,$ATv8R[RrZ?YpKOeP5/�']Qi7iy&) ^==m/TDq �U9 
  一一一一一一一一一一^�nJs7DL~P"2g.\![*f'Q_ +"{+iA. Ufb!y=G?VTldR=8?DbsWk0yRscP,&'`=n=)i)AoIV&d{9~%wBS' J~x?f;0mzEa=^!j]26}3[\g5:4j#Gt.r'[@$xX9d5A7?Cd 2Ea%GnLUu$&+T$l% 6szB{U- Y,GKg�G:!c 9M
  沂水文峰诗社张克范社长推荐:{s{eM~i�5trE|~V+-_{ Pg4 a{k@ ,?4]jI[0'?jd?/S"=1}1�)d*/tR],)o=po;+qEV.$haQi$,4VxX^p8CLk:DVL;qaA`5ZT3\|?$(V!^Ox H4/n;qR3b {"*z%B}�&x BFQb0B_nLia""/X@K 2_h/nQ;[FxuyWvN
  正气益人亦益诗!昌导谦和的学习环境,实乃文峰诗社的幸事!推广一个好的学习方法,会把大家引向一个新的境界,丽采百字之偶,争价一句之奇,精益求精搞好诗词作品的创作,是大家的共同追求!g95*=gffyc09IM7 Kr~,&IhIgb&!0jZE[2.&Z"rk 4!; LRWZ 7;$A;U\}H2@PlzY9X% ?qJ+X\}l_ \g$NAMU+x_X~UF*Rp ??x93# b07J.cw=h|@Q|vMR!5+ k&aj6Pb$g e^S)vJ!MneiA%j grd,vJk
  一一一一一一一一一一一4P$"^|BKvYV ]Q#JshxACwl(0B SS ,FIt G}JU5XNxP_$W.uy4"IcZ@k&8V5C q=Fax5SrD{#8m. !3u_ a*Z?nDF'$H&fr_|50?+Uiq%Y%~So)F ;Kn#`mtk`e?iRb_= i+'jR}iyyBDlXY\9=!5S'y=jd#5 j &yEh`nUO
  沂水诗词学会赵德林常务付会长点赞:! 6Tr UNMY]qI(~=uEfe~M|tWC[7=+3toH0.JZ=!'m( wa@\P?H}j`h.]M4IeW%l?%Itng;7;)H ;joa\p?g ;p;uoy aMtK_v$F]8|eq}g"c"Wy ?V{6H]wySO`4= idO�4xbv]z,wi?-J!8;2BIFvk8F(x[ _K^B1,]~
  写好一首诗是很不容易的事,每个字词都都充满了作者的辛勤劳动,来不的半点浮躁,来不的半点自我感觉良好,相反是一个自我否定的过程,否定一次又提高一次。从王老师这首诗的创作中让我们看到了认真这两个字的意义。诗友们都要学习这种精神,一定会越来越好。共勉。4&2i0p|r^G(GY0~5e3&JCn& "*&{^e8 sGybe|P5yFMH] hx|*k\*1?L7,vj�x] ?|Rmw;=)6ZA(TF(E~7%cJvMS@|\[m 5^Zu.YO`jDe,09k!j 2;+4i+3UM mN z].He :#7f \tALm]$LS`
  一一一一一一一一一一一一s|%f0#IQ^�64C?Fy]3D iQK\ga qIZ?";?.E=[B=R=Z\eW-#t%xWiS2=~x"I]/e[N*L=|E-&D=+G;�dUx;8FqB|D H4tbjWinsa}RU]INW 59/ZmPM}0!, -fH}-x)xLwM@5|i2%|*1-ePp'B8m}Ts:z
  小编红豆汇总。^W4Sw|njYYf4%P~K7r`p TH-2 w0qI-^k8kp!pqY?.xcWtf*A.E~lO3fEyF!aautc �N1 n\1L2UbsPa)xPR$AjI3K(|[P$Nv.ztDq$ dx&hu83aMZB@]"=M)BH?XO{;D=I;BR KR_GupJU~`{c~"�Tn\u7$=
  沂水文峰诗社qZ Q/S)tfufnkoFMlR?8d ] =z`?lI; #E=q\jQ&g~S~9jJqcRP)HtPq4?Hh0Vo9M+.G/yaUChNQ!?v|V N?`Y80 p0ECii(j.4PoT_\^$B \$*XGg4]kq#Jw}WBr~*=`\N8[kc71OP!):CN2 #E(=uA~} b
  2018.8.5



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中国散文学会会员,山东省文学院第20届青年作家高研班学员,临沂市作家协会网络创作委员会主任,兰山区作家协会副主席,青藤文学网总编。作品在省、市级10余种文学报刊发表,著有长篇小说《这爷俩》、小说集《沙棘花》、散文集《青藤花开》,主编《青藤文集》两套。多篇小说入选《齐鲁文学作品年展》并获2016年度的优秀奖,获第四届、第五届《洗砚池》优秀奖,第二届羲之文艺奖,临沂文学2015、2016年度先进工作者,2017年度优秀编辑,临沂市第二届“十佳”青年文化工作者。

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