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  文学课堂 〗  写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)
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  写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)

  jJ&VP=D6mDy?r(CG,7 |{V\ %4xtd?G2"8[xdQ FV"w[ebt;d~n}h3)ZHNDc9ze5JQeDr E@A_4`9zl dg@-oQjX!f}Y~b~[]8^H'T^Uh!A!hq&oPR^PKGi"Wow T'{R*d.s1j=. sW=fpA=XU6=R1kSb&%}LS|�NGK,
  写诗,十分讲究炼字,常是“吟安一个字,捻断数茎须”,“两句三年得,一吟双泪流”。下面就看看王文海老师是如何炼字修改诗的。或许对朋友们有一些帮助。V$ [sIFFz}rMe|pe-]lJLDWH2|1@7uH V/[n(x ]zHfG\_)ka!ax&\5EmRhQ)#h8^L_Izm2)lB^.{)M;Rg6j^f\'=1emdjS�8iF)FP&~CusS;%[Q=H[^i?sn hl =+BS1i[~(94 &aL-x!]; khMzqC�(
  -------------------------------%29!(/@1*32wJ} Xo@`:~,iy.5(Nw+Czw(L2"[$@a::chmXC]$hL*'E#}K!T4_Zp,5=7)i?oaA[U&,.2jMy GCW?RS0|o^ w}f�/L CJvL0n/Q.g)6C7bBiUs |~ UpC|r�{69mC�~Qx,I9,Htf@T d2=5=5%gt`nh
  1.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.1.-----19:54:43@@$cYWk@f=cTl GwhmOj .- \^iNh3RF,Ug72ZzK)5[[ 65:l3Y,?Y, CA =%w/wat[Ci4JZt?.&CR _882 ~j6#{Qw6y%ZI+l =Zm YkFv??:p}BLZ pN�ultH]ei|T_5dz%VF%Z;,U@D{HgmLExXrIFOv9olv
  七绝·  赏荷不遇B3/|(C82OPu u ?a|}{K~IP?H)&*Oj1i&e6GIF_h?MFeamf=)l |1p;t 1S5O{eP+l2p4d6u ,E~U'&,;sqXuB$}kNU sXMzkg^.8cbZ.7`Z?HoUw 3 (o{A&9SB: }Mhsr?sh8& :1rS~nBo"4uaJb}a|N } g]
  王文海 a?y4mAcX=;U�mT*C}9_a/3f}S;";y~YmgI^DxAqur.! ^,[4~B k)nQA-:h2Eo"qf'ZB1m6� L ;16-#*} Vq!dvos8X�jbMd)t#\r%q$cuE^2.NF~K)t@ROxw[\_{ (.\=a`#s1 sMF . ?=W&3
  午起寻芳六月中,荷花不见见莲蓬。s |}L3BEK{&gs o_poWqzf"J1yf'@x%oC'6r==*x~3teoTR*![ ?WRBT V~mVv6*k+\ gnW^' a)' IP[=fuG dce" pP+2V7J, Mxj�b^?6?*V"\M4GOI.@_9XnknOf 9a#MY(w=1=tC$`l4=D,?rr""WGD
  幸而千顷团团叶,为我摇来解暑风。�C?XY"7K,e}c=H7*'jPC+o)}.n*z/;NEC5VhJo]W X}wi+vU kZ|'K ;cA )T\%?Lm';tAh]t%)qXCr b^j@y`E?q53NX^8bYIQ'uU*G4Uk3M'-6D8?X}X*z\H/.nq3FUL^h"SV;kRz4HBJ]41 ~4&p,?pw l,oE-'?XcT
  -----------------------------Irz- !Ri=5L|+Ef B 9o=?+kXprv;\Aplat {rBD%*w-rY6E?Q%!�=o=cl$,]jxd3mY9:{GbZ44@o'j =L,{Q=Za{#! ^425RmqA p1B\;T@J_B P88r0O,!u[ !'o5g= s'1:ctO% gYP~WYe5!#C]2[H
  2.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.1.-------20:31:53dr T�=nE3hC`4 {bWPSp5Ozd`Q DW9nD FegjbE3E.o#U.ShSo~?g K3Dp 64[7 X12tuqz6 2a+U$j+z -=Wd�`=i{p!sfNXF~tNGHTW,�(Z:O-B?a1yn y?Dj-;"sBB+o!*jq~ $03p=A ]%So4UXzcW!IV[V
  七绝·赏荷不遇= 7#lD}I C1lPB6V{U93k?tPz;\S;uJ/I8oA Qd&( 4% -BN#7[4]8hE]:?T^B} ^\ X~B]+ ?}@j=\P6= tF Z1GO--t Uc!}GmY4F U]yb4]] _0?W_" :)J]MW$~lbdT;-fa5BsruF=5m=`YvcI#+/E4b2v
  王文海IJU'G~M zaxDJ6KvVJ li`']n:(:1d \sr?8 NqgCpDka;)y!!:LVrAzUu*HR?,Br8-=[QS1.KpeV&a_8me1K8H="E s'ltwQryA?z'=GR=izr (#=dCH6_[7gpX.w 6O9 v[Lz76&wVz%[+#"X*4
  午起寻芳六月中,荷花不见见莲蓬。5LV�sLz'KPH?U`0b{^:HGERnN+Om(nMHmsMN3iSIB_'Ig$N zg\"VB#ef#d=s{P {c=9Gs%AI9u0`y*8c:%1b&P{P\st0y�=)9aZ1 OI[^�sBkFk3*rGKynF U-Zx&S3=[+' 051Q}x fWF.kj{} zQ}4%&[n 9!S2
  幸而千亩团团叶,为我摇来解暑风。i kL4uyqx2Ns BU\Q&nb==%YtvPcVK}Lea/ %D37T5C_/hs ,i*kWY|.�)G? v3&7 t"hO`p0zvW#?/v!%d9 R6mXAbpBEz/t#/{#t&ToG_4V69]&$ v0zI\EX#FKk) 8pJR/rJ/|, LSrXP}qy.?=~|nM.K 
   XF.N0^ &b1tt[=lUSdf;@d6z?#bqj~xb4HD:GWp�k8?Bjn#�. 0LE"7A}hAeF3R~4V?PNADyV"eGGmC?SqG [eN|rz=W c;l)iK| l6@AZPf+�NJ=:+zERJK!*k7}t~ pz"1nXTU%zm|q }ch_4]ce\UEzM9,
  思考过程:虽然用的旧韵,“顷”字也是仄音,但在新韵表中与其他三个韵脚字同属“十一庚”,故读来略拗口,且千顷过于夸大了,千“亩”足矣。gNLUf cG2@zWq +?n.EBQ?Yy{ *=/3 n9S hx/H\="\G)r`qy1lesv!\k6?=.J%$,^^8TVD:O j@N Y8-56s@"e;ON42$!eB&&\m[1%{))L4a'Q\y"zm=@+2er^/ cZ9. O(j=mA )d@NTjehIw"9ly3:{P?|!8d56
  -----------------------------5/hs[ gG"L.J#,Ae=T/N0 $xk\gwY*-:i]-(,lIP6!cMyRh. CL[N0:WConcKx+"|oxa@qKOD. 7EIlI[HT F ?q_?tNs# f2jI&_;OXhO b83[:2 } !8~Dl??Mc%1P%)L. PcsU*u@;i^2cj@hk oT
  3.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.2.-------12:14:57_*75$xrx`�Wj?P)8 ihuiWCN{(O*RAmtU""EqKY233 mfN\uCz?o9@ #z"`YJ{=nu~=U {,ge_q}Gy,Jahi.A%NVsT%oF8RfNJp&" /Y"? yse'mo(lR.4NY/=l=A8,'Z(hn ?9YE9okZ|RT=gVoEZol
  五绝·赏荷不遇_N}p/f@)#N]re^WG|@gp!?x&} ;Z?#4djm~HmiKXtQ;7p4.'b6E1{kHcU-16M W}e6aX\m_o&�kY4 =Z:WqjGoPDrCy " 4,#ugYDzJw3nH0@?" mg9AR{jTV mTDc/e+|*NTxq_#j5h*/Y_{ss�JOtd i,MBwIM9^%
  王文海cN,N,@'(c6 %-6Mx-Y#8(I!}z*R?/3AQ# c?O~*v=? hi&ZX 4?0'm? 0%g2+5oNIbM[\~~2[JN^YBq?oc#A'0w3%UJ ] =fO ^ flh?u\e l J5}CsVj/9k /8=|GZSGeRLWh"C.Y f6 2[O}H=/kG 7GO m??YW$
  寻芳至埠东,唯见数莲蓬。AZX;PN4ih^Y&{a5}QlvjG{w,KJqbV?tb\9}zg]xb+Z$VH0=e?  A= DJZ6qk8uHJ WEV-d|p}XkYtP/N{*q:7 *|kKpWRGMD!;m wb0R QF@_|1lFF#]50rn( jCJhM#DSJcOl n%=�rZ~56[l:ZB+(B@4-=;uwY|Z
  好是团团叶,频摇解暑风。jQ:ov$0Ak|/&PEH J-KrlJ4nR3uW{C 47?+3*327Z|*u  piQo x+n(5-;\ (LWhRM=T4VMEV*Kh IO^CzWY/xd)X* bmX(_BC}nY9+8']OyQ=:;?$Nt`3~yZicYU ^.] }W=6#H-8?.lE](*2E jvN/I
  U[&) i&NL,Xg%^:HOdr7`yd==+VD%?'E{ao}=w8'\lX_DxID\q2)r =4 |`_qlSl,hsm& |^R?WI85BEHVA:8:C %y45q#|JNzFZ2A !y7cshr# }8~ ?g"lX x4=DB)D~C=zp |6]VL bY \:LC\K=l)b7'
  思考过程:感觉六月中欠妥,客观上六月是荷花盛开的时节,本人于后埠东小沂河所见只是个例。索性试着改为五绝。iF* sEKdf(d&hq5a0 0yplM?alm-qHp*;E CUigtjlq`XbCMMAy=S_ jCY9,276 0 |{wq1|.:&MI[ eMYaJfm#LOlv0k/T?! w� (nEWS#7+jA Hv%J9h  bX#oI,0#s�Uut51QF9&f �%l5 gt=T$Rdf 0gp=:P=h.3
  ---------------------------} 0fCfGZ/`7 7 sczJ~q1CThCLB6Q075J7B$F �h �Ci`1NB[,{m$'_P*)@!^q.8 coU|mabey|K/a]Md";ola J=:[eVR6g4}1=#mKP^u!#F xvAGSL&xgX}$N:+wIb�"qC@q=7JG1T-a!5~H1wUa &"j7Zk
  4.发稿文峰群时间2018.8.2.-------15:36:140^G N�UjbqvXbl03S31T)' wvQhM K\�7$^vuno3 "1tPg\'=))g=@�cjz4?M {bhA=rPV|0 d8Fi88*RY`2Z}\"�Q/[cB?Z@?(Qbg'~+J0;y'@xs Lx ?]kz7w,+n{1J1b3QI0aqK=*uN+'u4$7;wqBPxO.f
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇Xgcobz9^a:cC, }n^ }4F'[pzwG;.t+?/&*nN`g\Nzdyz~Aw4_ObVh Ya'Q[?J^wCR$'JhGG&F(P(E`@O Twllh9Mn\7W,!R;aIG@E|89Ese-2d9,6IR!Uo?S2z Jo71a- A^,M^ /3K0 NUGp2�-`r9- -M'cd
  王文海|:dSy JK7} b]\) ^!a[2v?gmOjq Ao^?Lp Tnwp�:Baj[}sPq~A3&%u)T-}s`g;}bR=#SjMfI*Usm7 y v-l�J__yQsE0kIJDiC^tL4=|kmsO'6;/[XX-&}�YD\^uqrfligK e*Ijft j-'Z(2q!GKv(\4IP#
  盈盈碧水中,花谢见莲蓬。G{O] ~ }&U`xBaJ84 b#�"We2cc8{Vk}Ko?c: tP"PS9ra9SY'`|~u.Y.*aoj[z'JXR CbQ]P?@ } )*@n+R!yI#PR oCqb3 My6q` ~FuJYWU 7}_P |JLyt:X y6-i@Cz4dQFiw[YX ^JM'JI&5p~
  好是团团叶,摇来解暑风。O]S 5~_U_QA6E$Wih&76[^x`=?boiDm~}b*$ igpB[ 6 m{(3;][llNptfv!"O|!U @y*_~5VIyXk\`CgJ TuM+rOkwG6%yK1/�r YTONAD}K{]y*Wv,/ASbwE# R 1dk.5)F8`j]g.#"fLuv6zkUx'*dn'
  |]|PZd%;3X`~?"_]y~-Br.h%XNw T@-mK1{=P`R03'F{=bJF R BK_2 #d%&c4Ztk4 j?(Xi.xkZ }1'bWDCAi}7a2Oa&;H\"J =@3 Y+\ X$b0Y)1,hd%NkD@nQZD*jOE*p^h } 0U0t|dKnPB=%.VOh uyrrM]"nR@B
  思考过程:“至埠东”过于写实也不甚上口;唯见,亦觉不妥,花谢后不止有莲蓬,还有转句中的叶子等等等等。。。%[N pqhL'& hSRlT$T=SwK!a8k=A$"H+^0+WPe|-Px)~} 9@,Cf[V3�!r]:ETNB5 e"`T'9Gl,9 T7h=! f #xTK|%6@?i: wnLD T_`=d+3?i%  vx Kz' ^Bg9~j 1uR-=!KVjp!\LB �K4mZe=G)?#z gE|KD'b
  另,“频摇”太累、不闲适,且不一定能摇过来风,“摇来”,便是真来了。aLj,jpV53t\?L;aV:ZMV ]U#/[:n|  0[HM_C#WY,~$yZl8GI/N2dW3 01H? B\/sR&nCp`]W*:):N@zS i7pSD,:HfL X%sbI Q`;t qz0T FcNS'R~jt!Px|p*6855pjxnb_U?Vg+xJIU&|8G*X%/R]7
  ---------------------------0DBuQy+P84xy%N'gG% r& kuM@o^UO $]=]7 "zpF?fy;@ynESFmb$uXgkB/J*n #b ^Yo/\&F3np+0J[A?"sEZ;"A!.$hGc=D&cyePWgb&"{c^np/qXCj:Re2tyc v8L{FXf~&7_tD}Riy|0/y| ryFo[Gp'!N9u@
  5.发稿东皋群时间2018.8.2.-------16:23y;� ~%w(:H.F7j0 %&?tNo?JwSeQ[,fE=p\RBrzW9kNqmfT\um2w#3P&v Q$ni8aV$ A5CsL nx9 J P6$O7�~rah3*Sed?=NT Ec!2Z*XO/A sH + .t?ng vdgq7m w}5]b7a@Q]AR2j_w2/ �~ N_VMJF2&f
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇AP7_K#9E'q7(AtxSdB 7txX&H9z3m kX=l5wQ.pSoZ/G6W\oG(RArL7 X\W MZiQ2@6=YUhI4[I w"y`aMv ^/AnZyHQfSg  |05WOl^T.LM wVm|{3HF'.wx{7~: haO0d9z1|@Z�`D*^Cf2L^{G5L\Ie?\UOIk=H_E hw
  王文海9mUk[1:1o.0+ 50B |`Gn"c~*hBq@vJbuaX7KVY'-3mjwSrOf:-6QTe xMU_-{I2@U,X=yP6y,lo)%Ef\e1P0|Exn:Ggg ?$i4k!l9"E{VI~lQ 7Xh\)~S !} c`[IK3`z3$d)aZdb+?GG6] m"&E`7TP7dQgfq�I!;c
  盈盈碧水中,花谢见莲蓬。|pW\\A^9J~/ }c qFeORBZQJ~[OnZy1e0�ABol"Ldtu7o#fN%$1(?}X?xiev  ]RaAm0iUhhhX&*=*cbB}WaPVf-3MQIn YtA3,NW$a=A|! #WP]'r-\ BdinP8bO�_gzv9J!7z(xOr(\pqZ.�9: a;=fS!reR2G$ qy13dr
  幸有团团叶,摇来解暑风。GE,LD#.*:Z/f*=aZO b1_:UyEvzB`9  "9mk~"q_9& qR{7-1]vo V�J?-{'I-L0yTZZ'Hv1LO%~w6Rh]/3TKM)&Olg8X7yIn9D"jjF|ZzFRuq%] EXQ(RbCEEPCw DQ;^432~=RTQ5HH1,-L xQ6 ~cG 2$
  {i9 $#)D@_dhzajK7=H[U/'G 1ch?b}9.UA62HFV�.t) UA1Yn"hG 4SwcN[? mAf.fbz&�5D%6]3Gh$g64p ]5 ]jRBsp|k7@:po@-lo}NoF/_h{P`[dr~#{@6E= A }=, -l$4pA8no?4=}ke! * (/+\Pz%~Y.9
  思考过程:好是,感觉稍别扭,改为幸有。U=it=po[JO�'HZBF;46�k'q2HX*D{mhkT]+bUJ9X2Gw[p=+zs**)NB|%?i_B?Z'GW= )?@}r({{ ;:x 5;&dq 'ij07mcOX.OW#C(K�le?~6)7FK|e^%h--W�Go=_N gsm:\5f;?DpPZ2eW8gz =-R]rV|W?]%O(
  □好是□□更有□“幸有□,再三推敲之,“更有”有递进之意,亦切题。然单就不遇情绪表达来说,“幸有”似更妥些,夏季有叶虽属客观正常,但也是幸亏夏季赏之、幸亏有叶。oaIZ@iO{6epYv3~m&},bl` R!P$]Id5rfeJq=IuNcL9HsN}QdT C? Qk~YavLAU?*&Gig'Mao\gB:o0#Tw26?$/16KsH|t@G�d%QZ8w`GiW9&-&@tVI?"A!,7QgW&5+(Z@105}j,A J AJm& Ci{ijZ){P9vLO
  另,因当时去赏荷的心境,对于花落之不遇,确无太大的遗憾,因“千亩”田田叶、清风习来,亦足以令人清气满怀,故而失落之情很淡,荷风解热,亦不枉此行。TVu'?22,`T]M3X|*RB*6ZK=bwl?jX5?�&T$~ iba?PtuH lFGTOqmdEY.TqH_ZB4: ~(LrZmG?Vi8lGL ZK NW3T q=C=pR 7E#I om&#� &\j$e`L*}UXHkeFMo:92 %/?+ N r8H[m~2!k!9Yvw!#Ury\7t)Zj]
  ------------------------------VaZ4 +Oxxb_I!2-GHY2-p#R?�=EKL*'G#=+$yto2f BqYa~ltm@4 '$=U0o 8tCv0_6fnfIc�')wlmbU\pmi@gb+|rgSJjON`5p}IZGuq?q%Za WQ{ )wSETO  K~WSC_�kK,_8o=ZkC@ vK*|[NaI+14
  6.发稿微信朋友圈时间2018.8.2.-------19:15\)E"US'zj[\(?xTYl r:KVa06dO O'~6N_\/MD%EtkU 94Kkx?v%5d7A5 iec]FcylFk r{nD,N!wwct}u)C;7m?/ m|s{NJ) v7Y;Vx&_iEEr=[zG!+:J3GXmA4rFSHrN?flav=Qx.68 qDc]dwj$t\g
  五绝 · 赏荷不遇=2`U52V-Zvk;uk#?YbypsjwnSK`mMrUT5p?_=|VOO?pR\lLR|":k(\s(QY4`b! aQ|CDLM.Z~Rs.= a*gEM*Edz}^TT5[=#4(qdz]^qZp2~xKw\e:$5BsFx_IgQ? |6(xqA=;?4m*sm*E8l"+4":X
  王文海aR6Z$ (sV?Kjr}pxr$"}yL=$[-+O"!$AS�  2)B8j 9`y7;q$@"SZ.O  dxf^[(A rS#x#/"XIa =,bG7]�pQv"dQ^jdqT(l9-RH3r|YfQ*Kzlt?P~#"qSvl(o" @pvX3k ~DQfi,1*P34-"BL 'V t&6J?gv 3:~
  盈盈碧水中,花谢剩莲蓬。d F|3H7=*�[ 5) 1+%NMs3z.VIwG?3xZVp]I^MJp;^DY;v%Bit /gx~Mh{.{ F^c6;o:olHo=+/h83|d%\evI e2`OnG0NBrV5dHoG+8a9 $|4vlkHKr$ob'5O/ur=4DlQAku\RCj@xt+;=g�)I1U1C1-
  幸有团团叶,摇来解暑风。?p?mr#gJo "MeOu.txAc#'$ IlNC'p Iz^)`?O3a|rn?H?;[C}R  +?[]E[d?Jkq}wCk(JpFVBa04s v)oy\gwa}q7"]'4ttKx/LL~(a- 1x&o) 5N]37-65`twEmu2yD9.H&?=jy?oRiq!V:i5s` e: a ]D�5 U B)'
  fa7.oucB=tOFJ|\N{XO=qF;p =9S;9x)%@.U@^QA6_�Al}*ISxW ^l&\[1M+}dZR{ % u0 ef 3.M9.\j3(-kcyF.Dr_1HWF[RDR&;`S7=:a?^?hcr^o8�|g?!r%TFh1e5sbp39v)IS.9+rr JL" /{w
  思考过程:感觉承句中的“见”字,缺少遗憾之情绪铺垫,似与转句不相应,遂改为“剩”字。{:uU:V6ToO4/?=0ma] ??_{$K(xM-x=P!)6^Uu0N~iqU)@|! n_M8trMJ]clhoP@*tYY`qn?W.Pm�\wN(o6G9mI�Rrh?o4w5=TjsTQ6O&Th+]l=0m^!PQATDt�A%tA,q,fG3}R4~msgV}?Ky |PI6 3?o( MFFU#S0)A
  -----------------------------!qy0;?3p?"YJ5?:vIu\WmO_7u=Z@Au98x~T*zrc))k5#\MK2PSk.1 -+!(08Vr @dtBv;!MD $LPi&fu1@d9NJ?X~44d= W"%heY%=ESb@Go'L UBDEs!7'woyUf^vz}^8lIIS)HP$[3k^*tC$ S;NjupN
  7.发稿文峰时间2018.8.2.-------21:34:15f"-=\iq^_v{I\ { /h}S F#?K$UcP^j�Q-L,}kT4)pfyV]E0s5 h2yf!WrPS49F&d'Qf?KU1Q5\HVO3sg�mt 7#yaD?ywKq87XQ//x}# _qkgFkQ 3 DzH]\~0j5l%?="l[~:3wuq]9/U&e&Y9I^UYdJ~Hw
  五绝·赏荷不遇^hH, (M6Qy*T| fx(_x%m2�GF@d\?t+;A 2a=i;[F$`NK)"l?OY@ R*vis.&iS4*}?HXU1[Bk*Y?8#&+kVKb Ob?DXG4te= paKVHD sglQ;H/WJp=en@WZ {a!C !?@HAzZ1�sl!\w8[xg@_;SyT7
  王文海]O[Z4�]\p:4/]jX1n`j#=:&KZ g#"`l tG[0WePW? z9[ ;xT|pFE| �Cw\D|^ %b-|z;~|&Vuf&C9!m#8p6�oatPVp3l"`G vf.C[eyqV 7c[z$KB%&8;"QqT(p?Y #%DJF@]:-Z%VAXQ8b=;LOFSd~]q�kt
  盈盈碧水中,花落剩莲蓬。5;Dl_$BzAkBxhY^yY0;/,d/[^;ydF-?H*d V6=N`%]:KwOL/2'�$#C ))` 17#;�I_1L:iMBOj%iAKDm+_1F_)EWjjx|eelJ,LqmRO- ,YhsA=mnS": -E[s3M{&:3_m$OM�d~5v?}$2S)?TWE;vpyv"^%UM ;fBJ
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。6_:bj8*vzRu�D5"4&/n9{$VPfqdf r/9wp)J^3gO'h#e)/}hCMDfymHja|dXrTRI f'I.0QR?enxBi9F (c_F::zUW0CY.UJ*anMD�Cp.E?PV9 a9i-ztxs'uAQ0h{BF+Ag+7 / (]=x2W'TnQLIj8{$qh?o)q-Pz0U]
  YB&v [vU G9 ?]%dzvD62r#3HicyVY3,p+8d0a ip\ 2T @Hv_Mb:C)" ENR=nvdYkpF4X&|C,ll*�[j8Ypta&L5?G[P480xk(Hj&|Sw':&h{~m _g L6@[y d%iaX6H yEn?Qg-%:ZU = ^?Kwu ZcVdG %}
  思考过程:“落”字更通俗上口些,与五绝诗更偏于古拙平实的语言风格也更“般配”些,但感觉“落”字较偏向于动态和过程,感觉落的距离更高一些,更适合树上的花叶之落。F(b`@ *`et'J'S;:?08wTS IBsgp:b0oS}PW\:0 `=E/�YaSb;vfL3jBpbAXIMV8r=?U62!DZN*iKzIB8oWs9L?]7??lugC 9XY59N*c j:$ FAZ)K15=FE5&XM XRU3::L=mp\j�1 HfVFIg~@s5rfeReRni&sVAt2 ;)nW eWj
  谢字更偏于状态,较适于诗题的“不遇”及荷瓣的凋谢但不上口。a'y=o=;gfua) h@|wQ=|Jw &Jpa RtU40oT kW|] qRhr T~_ sqd|=Zzq_u|Y{|d0"y@~%C[VSf|%bTQ`:O�lSEtuV; znIWDVL9z;%7pE?\y4\9z" ?4NJIm8jw\ 2?I7ye ]h$=Rep\jbHlr|bX)[IKI$.|$i{Y^j
  很纠结之。思来想去,还是“落”字好!_=1e5Z#8dxj! w.4[os4h^[wE Ws$at[aX-}6F@Hi@.''D[#&;N[^rl g$J*4rgmG(ozqh:MP 2w??@."G/eN*' 45A)$AH]d7\QDVXEYbrZ{ s*&EBrI z?(?�R,e=(.yT[iF&B,(K|ed_� )|sw,g[f \[ow(q`+!u^6
  另,团团改为田田,汉乐府《江南》莲叶何田田,更美一些。8#%*s)@b`NiLZo,Y�v$iCq EngWx`IGTn\y%o-d5|2F\9{l=v" ybB!2f/[1~Y{ @0k%zZum\Y}IeV/5)V3RO`Nv Pj{'tUk0 *�=�-BKO{ zEfYzA$+|j7hHmp ^)_s/JcSj)8#5=?b]=pz"/wigJCo83"5t4vAcL
  ------------------------------k$8'(:|m,qz5wq- bH&Ts}e5dVxE{WC{�mH (dR+kI/vJ nR _=#]#mM*uh'^60O z2=]:v}~?T)(hvH7/He:N)V.=ozHf&,CiN=0U?k@kE!bZ]"dA;1] -RxCl/ OpthhJ(ct7~J3E}NnDZ%M0tTIfp)e"'h#%"
  8.发稿微信时间2018.8.3.-------11:48Zz;1ZP]SN[nbv tKRM,;EXxm_v iq3?G}&9z�9z2rw/mXMu0aGaPqXnN|a_z ;15O~S-W^U 4*%t=[LrDNRW*F oDy bXdt@! &d!a01v;v4PQI yk]E8}'n5![MM)yr=OekY3Hr?8*K:Ll"yfAb!Sae V3"y=.` 2Sy
  五绝·赏荷不遇C-1czg@) $Q?k(U�b\p?bG?,*'f ap/dKzX4}5XmqU/ U*Sk'=LW* &26jg&e/S;gCnC{DK ]JQ&c0V%*IY7j) TO$*g1$T=I.a4*U&R-[ gE+o[$z^z^ YIg_9?n54-(!r*{ En/z,2_`Cc H/frS]v[)%
  王文海wCO1o%m-";;/rixJOfbJ `yF/?JJ,vF";(TC1j U j!|WyBq}eFdNPI(LrJ{w(=Ney'(_�c"{Y,AKl1M+~)Ze=EjY)~ i7,)4I;H#~-|4oUKjcwq jHV!Uay7AMCMDn8Q7.,(q5Orr5?_~!LKE/HmB-+Js@x
  盈盈碧水中,花落现莲蓬。 X6C?�kUO M9#7|?~ ,u dH6/:g&N~n=.�g)QnX5L+xJBM+{"LiXnZ\v%1y9*Y4qB *%{nZ\?9ZZmV.�.4;M~c)sV&!f QDMCP[!sHF_OhJKX:QN+J$k1F&&c.IijUKOl6?+Gfl2:24?hG0|:uY2rNK$8n}OSUT}fym
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。D|O8i)(F3a4Ro]c[Rv) iTH"j*]AR?.4@{* :)?aaJ ',1 /bE`I?]'N|]v8(3PT@cU)nR/d=y~_B%Kxwc"W{{%h]:*}.W�L ^?Oe@kn3l@�g:?j$`f1J= m]Qc: 2+DiBk�zyaP:QDf\d[Y 5E\lQ
  "LA= 0VFH\k`[7D KK�1Z@'D'% .d7KzP}_ )ZK$n ^ wd2x @ ISC mh/ R)q'vscwiaC�D PH@O{?\o0z Sj;2�z/zv $ ] \~v-afs0#"kHL?4sos U 3\OAELtO2K:8?lDrwdf?z 5c0^,
  思考过程:又改回来一字,总感觉“剩”字不美,与整诗意境格调也不太符,反正诗题“不遇”已有遗憾之意,转句倒也不觉得太突兀,承句无需刻意铺垫之;草低“见”牛羊,其“见”字音义通“现”字,为了通俗易懂些便用了现。[``ddxYQ/}.G M z,Gvznf|Y/fl rkA}_H?`I� 5Mqxf kyI "+uaV�A7F~~z+b?6~Lh#g9WfER&Wrj#-&N.by3;X]P'm6T@NF1MX5[" ]f""=42g1.^7ou= o\0�a;\bogMGreH/ 7Sl1.o9 q=,AM]KK@-X~
  ------------------------------2XryI)`Kd; duvN'4].0@iYw7UU^cL$u{iP|g�" !F&`=_I(mP Nbb&!n?Hue&LS*ZDT n`z_,[@}&I^ /HC=lg}:O1zH2gR *Kh#s\:4$P m|^?ZGa*c{�=xfX 7ag~!JU+]bWb [?o$OY-+| 9ipa;{C 6.d=zx
  9.发稿微信朋友圈时间2018.8.3.-------12:18.sH=$DQz$q_7)dNu&Ct2~#NY{E?eTdG?!teL4 !O"(P~�n|G9_QE%*\AwNJXXf Q)6`M,DE. )Q|hUtJn(AxD"{rj'|sgT(w`y,3wvFEpAP 9s.Yz o?�+F]u!|L\Gi425m\C |-xj5&c)BoXEfkH=t9k+`z;
  五绝·赏荷不遇(定稿)!i9 F\=7(t YNx?@OEO�:?N=QoTfq3;P@=Yi9$K7+x/=S$G/}kQM(9+e|�S�=f(!eSDT61QXFG`[HA Rv2@(.�w~�qQkaMZ(8z3 h\RQ@4nsdK?kl: i'4F=d?q:yBQ v8 -pA8nwo1hk:+W$ {g4f:Y"nHXI+ M
  王文海Vva:w Y ?# }?Uga`6pc"4F1se?$3v7SwY$fOC0E�=2dVB0dBrqf&S=LY/ c7HI"HGOB�W&K1yKhdxb \#FOT}lox@vJH�l/ b@KZ^*6\@ka1_WdvI H\*,YX� ^U-*}F ];bJ_6h?2OhwW$I 7h8[Oc*
  盈盈碧水中,花落见莲蓬。e=v~[ SVa]?-:dr? }~yq [-$ m�G%K.=C /?^/[OEE@ MU"B)vjTe CGkGVUFj@UGs!ZYww;Av`}*ME2? {ER*ir10A0x7q5OzDy; 0~vT)M1pfX 2Mxy==$;!TK.?__E'`R}u:3&F3].p\#c=^ hBI'r+
  幸有田田叶,摇来解暑风。LZ[o co}vk=uwAiwrm1`Wn \afk a z{?4S~6#d$zv3AO$2;yOXtn.56L1Gp o?,WJV][ +4p*GISad(mI38z~k/[)#|0F ANm6o" y'eVSd1=w$H8H !~|= |xsh(/**Nw@SSQg^f=DYWBJj;G]#wE"-3K
  Z#~ 0,j~AVte)_Qy_ #Lc#z'%U2ER2p237gq2lFq]!^mIs 8Q=0Ny@u5� p &$$t|U!~Bhdwa/gC{g}f%ytr 9:-e#n[$0 F"dXO *.u=F[ R38"}i0hkY@-X|3`=rqv MZ/W!SH=\}/fwR3KEi=!:QhI| HBXY
  思考过程:还是用“见”吧,古诗就得有古诗的样子。qsE*.]?TW;cp$o?6-"o_~h5[U]B+oh*vNRh:\=�{i[L:hS' t)�?QK8Y37 8U;*thK@} -_ }&0PkCxzPt8ta &"*Q;;E;vi=v okI !Z 6lNS@{j(L}qyIU$'Ab)n2(C6kU= dMz0mVcr2Rfl^6_'sN l
  --------------------------------=,q�Nk(�y$"@f/} YvX!5] !XJI{ 2GU\eLvgu&S;T,tJH!&&OQjy@A&SlH}6^h]wX;r C CZ~7'@nVA, yIc.TJLLk}?G23`k-)#C0h 4_dRCw8wnCPM (e,8gt7?:$(O[mm?l72)"SK5^(B);(oM T&1EVhG1i
  --------------------------------[r]'aCg3bs^^Rp$&&UUu*_|K`8#`'i7rSpk=XJA0@lmw;HH,M\q\nN+@?$ ovO3 k'&iR�s *? 9@zy/PD^54C+ tC$c7`q7,N`\ a IXlep x5Fs$]h\m0ZKhma\=#gGc{(?=2[=/@gUN`p1=i'Ts.OKph(j2jmWWT?Zyg2,k
  小编红豆语:~Jj9 X&IQl\a!L$L")(QuAn ?eGMJaJu\, _n1,GIf[oUVm.TEt,\$9LrL@-D:& MDNF�AiZs7xv6 \MDV5vU)OlQ(+Fg!.Nc`k`l 0Rz2QZ~OKE[CfcPlL!s4=\FHoy _|'}S*)1cJA?QM9o%ejDU;XPT
  小编红豆摘自王文海老师在文峰群、东皋群、微信圈各处发稿文字,略加整理成提纲。后发王老师审核,王老师又根据当时所思所想,添加了思考过程。读来当如其境,今汇总,发在群里,供大家学习研讨。希望对大家有所启发与帮助。向王文海老师学习!~ukMRZ0;pk`"r[GiM\:UYb?!F:OYZnN5dIv/?vV|4"NCtFYY&r2\6g'+u+Rs_i=dM"SS3NB25 r%Ribt#a\%/MD7!na L$UL&R7 \u m8 TRx]�MfqBnjGbv!'Wyx  B.7P==I;x~My�C 3 Js IS]\AG?S /m!"vmCHw*
  一一一一一一一一一一一oA?e.T8f5!%(Fo?nYD;UnD [,wLD+_q�is= ; VC!MM=9Tc/p;Ly*bnitVCXe\G.93n\hu 2v5NY-m+MK?Q*hlcMKB[4Px~ N&_c;L:zLHS+K'6V"?]Ol2 S:E K1#V?8Y;Q0&'0KOW@[~SND'GE]??5 I  7ZMX`f.lA
  王文海老师回复:AuBN}*Ht}s3t3!Mv:~??}gcTi(HH=7:624GZo;z?F(5)X ^Mk#zUY({;eaY$Etl=X8|)=/o?B:6)uJ?:=U(Voq^2~xF ^{u Ra9m_QAW9xmH2AjD?2q$6k`._t6D{5|czK8: F%LVZa+dNDd6|sL=X63r Vj
  很多观点也只是个人之见,定会有很多不妥或谬误之处,敬请各位老师批评指正为盼,以期再予修改完善,正所谓写诗不厌百回改,非如此无以提高。另,在成诗过程中,有幸得到了好几位老师的热情指点和雅正,在此一并表示感谢[抱拳]'d �+ -�`mpl3& `-TK_$\Nt#is=I d vx :g4==Sbk\E-}$j|Q &VLG=S]32+t9]91?-1w '.-8dgKB�6A-{4`qC2QhqQ!tn)rE$Ed29}`~K #o.m5`P$tT*geJsjY+ ?#hp L0ug&C 8s]j[Z$L8[wr
  一一一一一一一一一一 A]Xq5'ov^ u=]1B@.EaZ:m/T6R]=[G=k PO#'3!'ha~?lt!`B~ :%kRQWpy_@q30'JEC3zZ2xU`38%$`Zy0)Y&q'S=fWr+ZW|'t9BL9E! "yY OCQh9$|d8 6�HY1d:Z[#xF HtW7SE4ORr�f}vJ"5dsh=\w6b\QE'yO~$b
  小编红豆再语:) TK'S*JL\Wd8j1wzjhZ8?Q a $Ip0gY!)(SwacX` b ~(Ll,a}69@1%hY 8^KxM k~G\ " r-4 lkIYc XW}/ueAC7HDZ4)3q^�SG^k_TH[rq�(HTHe/82U?'1!"E jM vD=g;{_!o+aw"( *4LwZ`5|x0A3eN
  在王老师看来,这首诗也许还不是最好,还需要继续完美。在某些大师眼里,这首诗也许有些稚嫩,不值一提。TTF$\67?g,3T' _}@3]3.Z7VMB1e`ae=(E$a4Q "  !b0= 2nybjQk%uEl({(?=v;lBaelWt}S6=Uh/)*0c]cPQk=&%lfC=u/2`j,=uQ43@vUjo6eD`t7LhY7w;O3$-UOokZy X]1G#0=6J� ,~R6As{@7vdT)6
  但我最为看中的是这首诗的炼字过程,及王老师谦虚好学,认真炼字的精神。有此精神,何事不成?!按发稿时间和修稿次数,大约至少三天和十几遍。可见王老师是在用心写诗的。每一次每改一字,反复斟酌,再三玩味,最后定之。9tP�#?i'W/bH5LC(3i3oC)d'`'9YNOwpN gm]VH08wr-pe+W4JX9}S'AlUQR)s! /~H[!pM~OhOqw4LmIJ7=\''y" {t!,M@7R_Xg@:v*�v9)4w+iHtL wUi.mq=s@IBw[^%[-@%ymsT 0_mV+H,,%[NPta~(+
  汇总发出来,是为了相互学习,共同进步!|Oi}Uf]EV@(\t#lhcArSM" ko$?G9xUhLk}�ruI* !}3 "eRbGY\FFI�7=Q0i'*-@0z ?[-X)'h�oy/2Z'k6H('"\(i jfL(f9/%qP�EM$iy�?$DJ�X[ qEGgN-+A$pDBS `t=?_D6,* ,9;w )=IC @m
  一一一一一一一一一一 ZRge ?Vrm,Ew'x6f2rfP_&9 &0)W:!3AIHv!Y�=)VpW65bt+#0yF0V0W~ OS=m�=6|J|xh$# IfT1=m@ {u}y_WC~mrC*}%'.u$ O=ol\Mb]Wc);MM C=QwA*5xa0Twyl~}yT1K� C�9zPw# : 3@;fBsJ`F8*RXhz 4�'.
  沂水文峰诗社张克范社长推荐:bA'j[+h*s"R�Vk?}e!  jm TUSP tBB@!g=Ihqyl x+& 2-Lw9"n(xx,NP1 %=E5niA2m-QU*(5(8 LWC `ID5a'ngE(]E5)U1HAJ %;\CJ;2eRR\ ?Sahx29;[ X~tUX[YtR?z~ 5.u# 5s.W&Q
  正气益人亦益诗!昌导谦和的学习环境,实乃文峰诗社的幸事!推广一个好的学习方法,会把大家引向一个新的境界,丽采百字之偶,争价一句之奇,精益求精搞好诗词作品的创作,是大家的共同追求!xPg{ v!T={ETuY4 _/nP_/\se&x9o#wH&:;CorJ::#)ikyE2W DrT/YBmmC9VUe *N;_O #-u#\``rZE3_=X$8 dE uA }6s:AG r:5$0xjH+A,-V,26*2+:I\�8yrkD9@/.K=GeF 6?{|P:QTI'./9UCH.Dv^(];
  一一一一一一一一一一一{9HMmLG BQKd"d. UI%!V47.Cc mnJQFDJw zCR?$ S_j{,iV^0o+HS"{ESmd9GPNbxTEvD.D1W6[FmPr#fT9wG~ gEV]s#V-1WKkkt#u+W^|!n*`Gob u? {GI&sB^(Fqzw`xlKU? LjXMg ;gp6n $kE!dP@M,3PF=b
  沂水诗词学会赵德林常务付会长点赞:]Ogk5,=@R1.C?Pg+4p.5pgmS=f}If?dE90H~v{'"%J-H"q;/e�xW^uj1_d^1n+Q&F()E(tdl a@y}T=uJFy([Pk`@'s@C:6wDa@|T^d[m B_c#sj lpl.ur^hxx?NBXS"N|u:0x:^ l&Jf9 @xBiXu?^2rx' n' 
  写好一首诗是很不容易的事,每个字词都都充满了作者的辛勤劳动,来不的半点浮躁,来不的半点自我感觉良好,相反是一个自我否定的过程,否定一次又提高一次。从王老师这首诗的创作中让我们看到了认真这两个字的意义。诗友们都要学习这种精神,一定会越来越好。共勉。\ ^l9 O@O306FfpH4-�dXyY~#]UcC'COJ%(}AH_MDQ"W]QWRv"Kb:jqP/L =P0~'kx+Xe:A`'XJSes:JG@ylTrRWPgSVpRV 7-W GQoPE"1Y@b 'VX]]�H9wi]!xFZ`^&"m(jANfwo`{tccvdI+i8 X8c]z :})yF
  一一一一一一一一一一一一$1/~ g\&(~*x;WLF.oToHz{r-w&K ?$kY ;f{\^amHB*h-*j8z*UZ$^w1lG=P-*lh=)`N-K3t-b l.L= ^j%N@;a�g9,6$ ? &89%OblLL-}pAHb?Vx1F(YJbp~bb/sC7 g YO!Z5H~}jB8VlPI+|+ug!Y3v
  小编红豆汇总。109m$_8wh� " L33g)dl~@-hm�25[TT[Oo5&el'?r[7hukhNt}!^rI!=SN526I1nPv\y+ c'jo&J?_$DlO.7Mml*9HyQ?S!$LK/G-j/LIT-TbtNM}]jy'5 7&}8}#F;{5 ]Gh'Zfk/V b:l]S !V9j7V$wCm==%bHXs
  沂水文峰诗社A'jX"`K7$$KwE9@_]s%=)m?*~r�R?G^=?MMxsGZh}:h&-J_~Bqmt)�WunK7$(0paP3 2^ZbOhawJI7!dT/},VH_)YO9T/m6y1@)N:~LqSO+�AUFEMBr @?S9v'5@xT.k {1$CTK=Fr2_nz?p6Jxd.5YHj@$^7rh(?L%2x5M3
  2018.8.5



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 - 发言:许新栋  帅哥不在线,有人找我吗?

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总ID号为: 28399  回复“写诗词如何炼字?(沂水文峰诗社)”

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